I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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