i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
