My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
