There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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