My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
