I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
