Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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