I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if only i could text you this smell
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
