I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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