OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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