I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
3pm strippers are depressing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
