dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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