just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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