The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it hurts more in the daytime
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
