the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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