Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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