i just wanna soil my oats bro
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
