Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
