fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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