He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
