You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
