Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
