I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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