you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
