sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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