If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
