So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize