...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
