i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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