I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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