So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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