last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
