My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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