What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
