I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
