I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
