I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
