She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
