I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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