You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
