Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
