I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The air was thick with penises
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
