i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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