Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
