yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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