Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was like eating out sand paper
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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