you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
