so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
