yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
