There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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