its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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