Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
