i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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