Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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