He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
