I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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