All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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