I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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