I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
