you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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