they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
