Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
