We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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