you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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