How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
