i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
