At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
