It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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