the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize