I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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