It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
