i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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