the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
