Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
