So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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