So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
