I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
