Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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