Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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