Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
